Heart of the New Web

Info

Place: Crossiron Mills

Arrival: 18/12/24

Departure: 18/12/24 (5 hours)

For: Wasting Time

Highlights

Location: Bass Pro Shop

Food: KFC

Song: To Be Or Not To Be (NSFW)

Thing: Gun Wall of Bass Pro

Due to extraneous circumstances, I was basically abandoned at a relatively large Albertan mall for about 5 hours. Sometimes, things just happen to me, and I'll be completely cool with it. This was one of those things.

I was equipped with my Nikon Coolpix L330, my wallet, a phone with full battery, my usual getup of a Flames Jersey and my 1988 Calgary pins adorned Calgary hat, and the aforementioned 5 hours to kill.

Of course, the first store I ended up at was Bass Pro, because what kind of man do you take me as? Honestly, it wasn't like I was exactly going to Bass Pro, I kind of walked around and ended up there.

I did actually need to go to Bass Pro to buy holiday gifts, though. Which brings me to the first image I took, before I decided I was going to photograph the entire mall;

A long, cut off images of countless rifles on display. There are decorative rocks with taxidermy deer mounted above the display.

This photo is notable, because it marks the largest amount of guns I have literally ever seen in my life. Other than random photos of American living rooms.

Guns are also expensive as Fuck. Forget furries; if collecting guns is your hobby, you're the real moneybags.

As I looked out from the balcony of Bass Pro, it occured to me that I should put my camera to use. I'm very interested in things like branding and design, and while it was more oriented towards West Edmonton Mall when compared to the not-as-prestegious Crossiron Mills (though they tout around that "largest single floor mall in Alberta" like a trophy), Crossiron still has some very interesting interior design, as will be shown later. For now; the taxidermy glory of Bass Pro Shop:

A photo of a fabricated rock face, with mountain goat taxidermy lining the cliffs.

A photo of a fabricated rock face infront of a wall painted with the mountains. There is decorative tinsel in frame.

A fabricated rock path extending across the stations of the store, with countless taxidermy deer frozenly wandering it.

Taxidermy elk warmly lit and frozen among fake grass.

Another angle of the plane, which is a yellow water plane.

the front sign of the store, which is a wooden structure adorned with antlers. The sign reads Canada, Come back soon to Sportsman's paradise.

A closeup of a cute taxidermy raccoon through bars.

A taxidermy bear cub standing infront of a decorated Christmas tree.

All of these photos are unedited. That's just how Pro this Bass is.

This location also has a big tank of fish, apparently donated by Alberta Wildlife (or something along those lines; I can't find sources online but there was a sign that said something affiliated with Alberta had donated the fish for educational purposes.) I tried to take photos of them, but...

A photo of a large, 8ft tall reflective fishtake, with bass scattered all over the place.

An alternate photo of the above, with fish more scattered.

A closeup of a bass, with slight blur on it due to how fast it's swimming.

Another extremely blurry photo of a fish, but closer this time.

The Bass Pro fish had places to Bass go, apparently. That, and my camera wasn't set to the proper mode, and I didn't really want to change it over considering there were children all around the fish area.

A messy, cluttered forest scene from the Bass Pro Shop laser shooting range. You can see fake trees, a fake cabin, a bear in front with it's hand raised and plenty of fake greenery.

A closeup of another taxidermy raccoon, facing left.

A photo of two large taxidermy moose fighing.

While I was taking this last photo, I got approached for the first (and suprisingly not last) time over the course of my visit. An old woman, likely in her 50's, commenting "The displays here are incredible, eh?" We had a little back and forth, and as I walked away, I noticed she was taking photos of her own, which would then mark a trend I'd start to see.

It isn't until something's pointed out, that most people will stop to admire it. There were multiple different points among my photo taking where I'd notice someone would see me, stop and look at the subject, and maybe even take a photo of their own, like they saw me immortalizing it and thought hey wait, that guy's onto something, that is pretty nice! It ended up being one of my favourite observations that afternoon; that just me existing inspired something in others. I love the atmosphere of literally everywhere I go, and I feel like a lot of people just rush that by. "There are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see" and all that.

The mall was fully decked for the holiday season, Bass Pro Shop even having a santa and his elves section. I didn't visit him, but I did take plenty of photos of the decorations.

A small christmas display, of fake trees glittering with lights around a bench.

An alternative angle of the above, with Bass Pro Shop in sight.

A photo of an intricate christmas display, tall fake trees adorned in screens with glowing ice textures, and rainbow curtain lights hanging from the ceiling in a fake aurora borealis.

Another angle, standing in the middle of the display and looking up at the ceiling through light adorned fake leaves.

From the bridge of the aforementioned display, focusing on an arch in the middle of the trees and lights.

In the middle of the food court are more trees made out of christmas lights, above is a large lights display with white light dangling from it.

A long line of those rainbow curtain lights leading down the hallway.

Those decorations are genuinely stunning. The 3 photos of that section with the arch, was part of some online treasure hunt the mall was doing via QR codes. I didn't participate (thought I kind of wish I did,) so I wouldn't know what it's about.

Lastly, actual year-round mall decor.

A bronze statue of two fishermen in yellow and green resin waters. — A massive metal fisherman statue, because why not.

The aforementioned statue, but with a closeup on a green and red bass being pulled out of the water. — Closeup on the fish because I'm Newfie and predictable.

A closeup of the waters, which fade from yellow, to green, to blue. There are faint sparkles under the gloss. — Took this one as a banner image honestly, but it also demonstrates how the water sparkles.

A mess of hockey sticks, rolled up into a katamari-esque ball, and mounted in a cut out hole in the wall. The figcaption lists what the writing says. — This display rotates. It's also part of Pro Hockey Life. The text reads "Ice hockey definitions: Webster's: a game played on an ice rink by two teams of six players on skates whose object is to drive a puck into the opponents' goal with a hockey stick. Canada's: LIFE"

Multiple TVs mounted in a circle above stanley cup glass replicas. There are large sculptures of sports medals hanging from the ceiling. — The hockeydome, just behind the biblically accurate hockey sticks. Every TV is playing a different sports network, and there's artistic replicas of the Stanley cup. The medals on the ceiling are all sorts of Canada's sports achievements.

A closeup of the stanley cup replica. It's made up of layers of glass.

A ceiling display of a flaming sun, with painted clouds on the ceiling and white rays with blue LED's. There's a ring around the sun, with cowboy cutouts sitting along the edge.

A large metal outline of a cowboy, wiht a hand on his gun and poised to fire. Behind him is the sun display.

Another large metal outline of a cowboy, with a hand near his pistol, but it's white and much calmer looking in stance. — These two cowboys were across from eachother, in perpetual standoff.

A photo of the ceiling behind the white cowboy, which is a glowing crescent moon with glittering 3d rays. A sculpted bonfire, made up of individual hanging flames, glows and reaches for the moon.

A hard to make out figure behind a hazy white glass, but it's clear they're at least holding a coffee cup. — Yeah, that's a neanderthal holding a cup of coffee in an ice block. No, I have no idea why this is a thing.

A distant shot of the last photo, showing off the block of ice.

There were other pieces I didn't end up getting photos of, namely in the prehistoric district of the mall, because it was more oriented towards children, and I didn't want to have a bunch of kids in my frame.

This whole visit honestly made me so happy. Not pictured, due to the valiant efforts of the Crossiron public, is any heads or obstructions, because people would see me taking photos and politely stop. I had people running out of frame to make sure I'd get a personless shot of most of those christmas photos.

Probably my favourite interaction was in Pro Hockey Life. At first, when I walked in, I had multiple employees point at my jersey and shout GO FLAMES!!! And when I got to the check out, I accidentally one-upped the mild 1988 olympics collector who was pointing out my hat, by saying that I own at least 20% of 1988 Olympics merchandise.

I had so many little interactions at the mall, from the children who "cheese"d for the camera, to the people who asked what I was doing, or commented how impressive the art in the mall was, to the Bass Pro employee who screamed when I put down a 1 metre long catfish plush, and when asked for a bag said "there is nothing that will contain him."

I love where I live. Because people are kind, and there's beautiful art wherever you look. Sometimes, there's nothing better than this.